The Difference
by abba2zabba15
Summary: Lily/James. "There's a difference between lust and love Potter. I suggest you figure it out." Lust and love? The difference between lust and love? What the hell did that mean? T for sexual references and language.


The Difference

Sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was drawing to a close, and James couldn't have been gladder to see it end. Well, that wasn't the complete truth.

Yes, James was thrilled to be on holiday. He loved leaving school as much as any of his fellow students, if not more than them. James was brilliant, it's true, but that doesn't mean that he didn't find school tedious and a waste of his time. James Potter was an arrogant boy, everyone knew that, and he rather thought that Hogwarts couldn't teach him much of anything.

James was glad to be leaving school, glad for a break from work and homework and a social life, even a little bit glad that he wouldn't have to plan any pranks for a while. But he was sad to leave his friends. Padfoot would be staying with him that summer, like he did every summer. The boys were best friends, but a better description of them would be brothers. James didn't even know many brothers that were as close as he and Sirius.

James was sad to be leaving Wormtail and Moony, because he wouldn't be seeing them every day of the summer. Though they would likely get together over the holiday, because that's what best friends do when they have time off.

Moony would be going off to the sea with his muggle parents. As far as James knew, he wasn't looking forward to it that much.

"I only go because I have to." He explained to the other Marauders a few weeks before term ended. "I really don't enjoy it. I don't like sitting on the sand in the hot sun, and I'm too bloody pale to get any kind of a tan. Honestly I just end up reading most of the time. But it's important for Mum and Dad to feel like they still have a connection to me. I can't really blame them for that, I mean, I'm the one that had to go and be different from them, right?"

James could see why Remus didn't like the beach. James didn't like it much either.

He was sad to be leaving Wormtail. Though Peter was the slowest of the lot and didn't really fit in with them, he was part of the group, and part of the friendship.

Yes, James was happy and sad about leaving this term, but the thing that was troubling him most of all was not his friends, or his exams, or his travel plans. The thing bugging him and causing him to come down to the lake today to think was Lily Evans.

She was the constant in his life that he really had no idea about. He didn't know what he was going to do around her, because she made him do all sorts of mad things. James knew that he would end up being a prat to her, because that's the thing he did best when he was nervous; be a prat. Sirius would tease him about it often.

Sirius didn't understand; he was a self-proclaimed bachelor for life. He says it's because he saw what his parents were like and he couldn't bear to risk inflicting that on another human being. He didn't want to be his father, and he didn't want to force any woman to become his mother.

But James knew what Lily Evans did to him. She drove him out of his mind, but he couldn't stay away from her. She was barmy, but extremely logical. She was hostile, but exceedingly kind (to everyone that wasn't him. He didn't blame her, he was awful to her). Lily Evans was a walking contradiction.

James had to come down to the lake because he had to think about Lily Evans. He needed a place to gather his thoughts without one of his git friends getting in the way.

Tomorrow was the last day of term and for some reason James felt like it was the end of something important. He felt like he needed to tell Lily something tomorrow, or he would never get the chance to say it. Unfortunately for him, he was either too thick, or he had suffered some serious brain injury, because he could not figure out what he needed to tell her.

And that was the main reason that James Potter was sitting by the lake on this warm summer evening instead of inside the common room with the rest of his house, drinking and eating and celebrating the end of another long year.

"Lily Evans, what am I going to do with you?" he groaned in frustration, casting his gaze skyward as if asking someone up there to present the answer in the stars. Predictably, no such answer came.

James sighed deeply. There was nothing to it, he would just have to catch up with her tomorrow and say the first thing that came to his mind. That's usually what he did with Lily. He didn't realize yet that _that_ was precisely the reason that Lily Evans was so exasperated with him. He didn't think anything through; he just said whatever popped into his head first and hopped for the best. It infuriated Lily to no end. She thought it was extremely childish.

James stood up and stretched, before slowly making his way back up to the tower. As he was walking across the lawn, he looked up and saw the lights shining in Gryffindor tower, and he could see the black silhouettes of people moving and dancing to whatever music Sirius had decided to play that night.

Even from all the way down here, through the window, with an unnatural glare from the inside lighting, in the dark, and only seeing outlines, James could pick out which one was Lily's dancing figure. James didn't know it, but this was possibly the most important thing that he would think about in the next few days. _He could always pick her out of a crowd_. He could do it because he had spent hours studying her, without him even knowing it, and he had spent hours thinking about her, in the back and front of his mind, and nights dreaming about her.

James Potter had a crush, was obsessed, infatuated, in love, whatever you want to call it, but it was eating him up, because he had no idea what it was. James had never been in love before. He deluded himself into thinking that he had, but he wasn't at all in love the previous times. That's why what he was feeling with Lily was so confusing; because he had never felt anything similar to it in his entire life.

By this time James was standing in the Entrance Hall. He made his way up the many flights of stairs, and up to the Fat Lady's portrait. She had indulged in several barrels of wine herself, so when he got to the tower opening, she didn't hesitate to swing forward and let him in.

James rolled his eyes. She really was useless when she was drunk.

"Prongs my old boy!" Sirius shouted as he entered the room. He was staggeringly drunk, which became obvious to James as the other boy came swaggering up to him, swaying precariously from side to side, his drink sloshing down his front. All in all, it was a rather unpleasant image.

"Where you been Prongsy?" Sirius asked, his words slurring together in an odd way.

James gave him his best 'the-world-can-kiss-my-arse' smiles, making sure that his best friend had no idea what was on his mind. "Been down by the lake, Padfoot, saying goodbye to the giant squid. I reckon he could use a good wife, don't you?"

Sirius roared with drunken laughter, and James inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. James was comfortable telling Sirius anything and everything, but not when he was drunk and could very well go off and tell Lily, or laugh his arse off at him. James didn't need that tonight. He would tell Sirius of his confusion tomorrow on the train, when he was sober enough and had a bad enough hangover to take James seriously.

Sirius led James off through the crowd, searching tables and looking for an unopened firewhisky (or butterbeer if they could find nothing else, though it wasn't nearly as strong).

James scanned the crowd out of habit, looking at his fellow classmates and seeing if anyone was doing anything embarrassing. The Marauders took pride in being on top of all the latest humor, and it would be just plain humiliating if they missed someone doing something particularly degrading.

James froze, his eyes widening. Screw it if Sirius saw what he was thinking, he could not keep walking and watch this at the same time. In fact, James thought he might just pass out.

There, in the middle of the room, dancing in the sexiest way James had ever seen, was Lily; his Lily. He didn't even register that he had called her 'his' in his head, he was too preoccupied with the way he hips were moving.

He wasn't the only one to notice either, and James felt his blood boil as other boys watched the gorgeous sixth year dance.

She wasn't dancing with any boys (James felt far too relieved to realize this), but she was in a group of her friends. They were all slightly tipsy, and from what James could tell, they were dancing that way as a kind of joke.

Well, James' body didn't think it was a joke. He felt his lower half react, and realized that if he didn't get out of there soon, he would be extremely embarrassed.

He watched Lily spin once more, her hair whipping around her face in a fiery halo, her locks shinning brilliantly from the light of the fire. He watched as she closed her eyes slowly, the emerald orbs slowly diminishing until he could only see her eyelids. They were darker than normal, and he had to assume it was because of the alcohol. She was wearing a pair of short jean shorts (muggle clothing of hers, and James had never loved muggles so much in his life) that showed off her long, lean legs very nicely. Then Lily licked her red lips slowly, and he almost exploded in his pants.

"Prongs mate, what are you looking at?" Sirius asked, the alcohol not clouding his brain enough for him to miss what was happening with James.

"Gotta run Padfoot, I have something important to do." And without explaining any more than that, he was out of the common room and up the stairs toward his dormitory.

He sprinted into his room and slammed the door shut. He leaned against it, breathing deeply, trying to get his condition under control. No good. Every time he shut his eyes, a vision of Lily dancing in the fire light played across his eyelids. It was like it was permanently burned into his mind. He hoped it was. He'd really like to remember her exactly like that forever.

James knew that as a teenage boy, it was 'normal' to do things like masturbate, but he never could do it. For a while he didn't understand why, but when he was about 14 he figured it out. He couldn't think of any girl but Lily, because none of the others were close to good enough, but he couldn't think about Lily because he always felt unclean and horrible for doing something like _that_ with her on his mind. Sirius thought he was a poof for a while, and James was worried himself. He didn't have anything against being a poof, and neither did Sirius, it just wasn't for either of them.

So whenever James was stuck in an awkward situation like the one tonight, which unfortunately happened quite a bit, because Lily was in nearly every single one of his classes (Merlin everything that girl did was sexy), he had to run to his dorm or to the nearest bathroom until his problem was gone. He never told anyone, because he couldn't face that humiliation, and he couldn't embarrass Lily like that.

All this thinking had solved James' little problem (though he would be insulted by anyone calling his problem 'little', and in truth, it wasn't _anywhere_ close to 'little'), and he could get changed and go to sleep finally.

James stripped down to his underwear and climbed into his bed. It was still early, and he would face ridicule tomorrow for abandoning the party so young, but he couldn't go back down and risk running into Lily again. He was worried he would do something rash, like snog her in front of the whole common room, or slap her arse, or rip her clothes off… any one of those was a reasonable possibility.

James drifted off to sleep rather quickly, and wasn't awoken until Sirius, Remus, and Peter came stomping up the stair case, drunk out of their minds and singing horribly off-key, and even then James only rolled over before rejoining his dream-Lily.

This wasn't one of _those_ dreams (James had had his fair share of those with Lily in them though, in all honesty). No, this was a dream of him and Lily, merely walking to class together and laughing at something that they both found funny, but neither could remember. This was one of James' favourite dreams of Lily, because it was them, together, and happy, them actually talking and enjoying it. He hoped to Merlin that it would eventually happen.

The next morning, James woke up with the other boys in his dorm. They were in too much pain to take the mickey out of him for missing last night's bash, and James was unusually thankful for that. They finished packing and getting dressed in relative silence, only breaking it to ask one of the others if he had seen this shirt or that sock, or other such items.

The other three Marauders trooped out of the dorm, until James was the last one. He went to the door with all of his things, and took one last long look. "Until next year." And he gave a little salute to the room, before heading down the stairs and into the common room.

James walked to the train, side by side with his three best friends, laughing and joking and planning for the upcoming year.

When the four boys got onto the train, they made their way to their usual compartment at the back of the train. And it truly was _their _compartment. None of the other students dared to enter it, to sit in it, and some of them couldn't even brave walking past it. Where the Marauders did their planning was a sacred place, and the other students respected that too much to try and take it.

"You stay here lads; I'm going to see if I can have a quick chat with Evans." James said to the others, standing up from his seat and heading towards the door.

"Already Prongs? The train hasn't even left yet!"

"Keep your pants on Padfoot; I'll be back in a few minutes."

James slid out of the door, and breathed a sigh of relief. He really just wanted to check on her and see if she was alright. He didn't know why he was so over protective of her, but he felt like he should be watching out for her. He wasn't about to tell the others that, though.

He headed off towards the front of the train, where he knew Lily and her friends usually sat.

And sure enough, when he entered the second car on his search, there she was, talking and laughing with friends, and about to go inside a compartment.

"OY, EVANS!" He called, sticking his hand into the air as if he was waving. He mentally slapped himself. _What is so hard about saying Lily?_ He thought.

He could see her physically stoop downward, as if the very fact that he was there was weighting her down. She groaned loudly in frustration as he made his way towards her.

"Do you want me to stay with you Lils?" Her friend Hestia asked her, eyeing James warily.

"No, it's fine Hestia. You go inside. I'll deal with this git." She didn't even attempt to lower her voice. James had to grin.

Lily turned around, and they were alone in the hallway.

"How are you, Evans?"

"What the bloody hell do you want, Potter?"

"Now now Evans, no need to get testy. I was simply trying to be a nice person."

She snorted, and he frowned.

"I saw you dancing last night Evans, and I have to say, I was very impressed."

She scowled at him. "You get off on that Potter? And you expect me to even have a conversation with you after you admit something like that?"

"I'm just saying Evans, you looked like you were wasting it on your girlfriends. If you ever want to practice, you can always use me."

She grinned evilly at him. "I would, Potter, really I would," James' heart leapt, "but I wouldn't want to get between you and your right hand."

James would have blushed if he had any shame left in him, but fortunately all that flew out of him a long time ago. Instead, he threw his head back and roared with laughter. "Oh Evans, my hand and I get along just fine, but maybe you're right, I wouldn't want it to get jealous." This of course was a complete lie, because James had never masturbated once in his life.

"Did you just come here to try and get me to shag you, Potter?"

"Of course not Evans, I'm not a heathen. I'd like to buy you dinner first."

"In your dreams."

"But Evans my dreams are no longer good enough. I need the real thing. How about it?" and at that precise moment, the train started, and Lily was flung forwards into James, causing them both to fall to the floor.

He smacked his head on the ground, and had to blink a few times to get his vision back. He couldn't believe it. Lily Evans was lying on top of him, practically straddling him, and he couldn't move a muscle. He was in heaven.

"So I can take that as a yes, then?"

She scowled once more. "You're a prat. I fell, is all."

"Then why aren't you getting up?"

She blushed faintly, and hastily pushed herself off of him. James clambered up after her.

"Go on a date with me, Lily." He said quietly, sincerely, with no humor in his voice.

"Why, James?"

He smiled slightly at the use of his first name, though she was probably only doing it because he had. "Because I love you."

She burst out laughing.

James frowned again. "Is something funny?"

"You…you…" more laughter, "you think you're in _love_ with me?"

"Well… yes, I do."

"Potter, have you ever been in love before."

He hesitated for a second and thought back. He remembered thinking about girls non-stop, and writing them notes, and snogging them. "Yes I have, actually."

She gave him a disbelieving look. "No Potter, you haven't."

"And how would you know?" Now he was just annoyed.

She looked him straight in the eye, and said, "There's a difference between _lust_ and _love_ Potter. I suggest you figure it out."

And with that, Lily turned her back on James and walked into her compartment. James just stood there, staring stupidly at the door.

Lust and love? The difference between lust and love? What the hell did _that_ mean?

James slowly made his way back to his own compartment, still thinking about what Lily said to him.

He walked in to Sirius and Remus' conversation, not understanding a word of what they were saying.

"How'd it go James?" Sirius asked him. James just looked up blankly.

"Ah, I thought so. Don't worry about it, sport. Honestly, I don't think she's worth it. You could get any other girl in this school, but you go after the one girl that's bound to say no."

"But I don't _want_ any other girl in this school, Padfoot. I want her."

"James, there are plenty of other beautiful girls at Hogwarts that are dying to shag you."

"THIS ISN'T ABOU A SHAG!" James yelled, standing up in his fury. "Why do you always think that?"

"Look Prongs, I'm sorry…" Sirius said, holding up his hands in defeat.

"No, no I'm sorry." James sighed, sitting back down. "It's just… she's messing with my head, giving me all these philosophical answers, and I just can't bloody take it!"

"What did she say to you?" Remus asked in his quiet, contemplative voice.

"She said, 'There's a difference between lust and love, Potter, and I suggest you figure it out.' What the hell does that mean?"

Remus chuckled. "She really is too smart for you, Prongs."

"So you know what it means, then?" He asked, excitedly moving to the end of his seat, closer to Remus.

"You told her you loved her, didn't you?"

"Yea… I did. So what?"

"Then yes, I know exactly what it means."

"Come on Remus, tell me! I need to know!"

"James, if I tell you, then you won't have figured it out for yourself, and you'll never be able to be in a relationship with Lily, which I think is what you want."

James sighed, and slumped back in his seat. "Do you know what it means, Padfoot?"

Sirius snorted. "Of course I don't. It's bloody poetry, that's what it is, and who the ruddy hell cares about that?"

"You're no help."

Sirius just laughed again, and then he and Remus started their conversation again, leaving James to think in silence. He would never understand Lily Evans.

The train ride went by quickly after James stopped thinking about Lily. It pulled into King's Cross Station right on time, but then again it always did.

"See you lads over the summer, yeah?" James asked his friends as they slowly made their way off the train.

"Of course." Remus smiled back at James.

James and Sirius hugged the other two briefly, before filing off to find James' parents.

They walked through the barrier with their luggage, and looked around at the crowded station. Mr. and Mrs. Potter liked to wait out in the regular station with the muggles, partially because they found muggles extremely interesting, and partially because they were kind people, and liked to give other parents room on Platform 9 ¾.

James grinned at his mother and father, and ran over to hug his mother. Sirius followed along at a slower walk, but he was grinning just as widely as James. He hugged Mr. Potter like a son would, and then he and James switched, so Sirius could hug Mrs. Potter and kiss her on the cheek while James greeted his father.

"How are you both?" Mrs. Potter asked, looking the boys up and down to see if they were starving or seriously injured.

"We're just fine, Mum. I'm just happy to be back, frankly." James took a deep breath of the slightly smelly, smoky air of King's Cross, and felt that he couldn't be happier to be right here.

He was looking around the station when he noticed Lily's family a short distance from his. They were hugging their daughter, her mother was fussing over her hair, and her father was standing by, smiling hugely, as he held his daughter's luggage.

But someone in the group wasn't hugging Lily, or even attempting to talk to her. Her sister (who James knew to be named Petunia) was standing off to the side, giving the whole family a look of utter contempt and disgust. James had to stare at her.

The first thing he noticed was that she wasn't anywhere close to as beautiful as Lily. Sure, she was pretty enough, but her face had a specific pinched look, as if she constantly smelled something foul. Her eyes weren't the same vibrant green as her sister's; instead they were a sort of muddy brown. Her hair was short and curly, and it wasn't red. She was skinny, yes, but not the healthy skinny that Lily was, she was pinched and boney, and James found it extremely unpleasant.

In short, she was _not_ Lily, and did not seem to like her sister at all. Petunia looked like her father more, and Lily was the spitting image of her mother. But even Mr. Evans looked like he had once been very handsome, so James did not know how the two adults in front of him could have made one daughter so beautiful and the other one so… angry.

Lily, having finished saying hello to her parents, turned to her sister. James heard her say, "Hello, Tuney." And she flashed a brilliant smile, the smile that made James' heart jump every time he saw it.

Petunia sneered at her, but seeing the looks on her parents' faces, said curtly, "Hello, Lily." And stuck out her hand to shake her sister's. Lily look stung, but shook her sister's hand gratefully. It seemed more personal than they were used to.

James suddenly felt like he was intruding into Lily's family, and immediately turned away and focused his attention back on his best friend and parents. If James had stayed facing the Evans family for just 3 more seconds, he would have seen Lily turn away from her family briefly to stare at him and his family. And if James had been really observant, he would have seen longing flash in her eyes, for just a fraction of a second, before she composed herself and left the station arm and arm with her mother.

"Come on then, let's get you boys home and fed. I'm sure you're starving. How were exams?" Mr. Potter asked as the family made their way towards the exit.

"Oh you know, laughably easy." Sirius said with a grin.

Mr. Potter laughed. "Well they would be, for you two, but I remember when I was in school I always hated exams, and I had to study for hours to even hope of getting anything better than a T. I actually remember one year when I took divination. Boy was that a mistake! Couldn't see anything in the crystal ball, and I accidentally drank my tea leaves. Well, it's safe to say I never tried with that class again, but boy did your Grand mum have a fit when my grades were owled over."

Sirius was doubled over with laughter while James was laughing good-naturedly, and Mrs. Potter was simply smiling at the boys' antics.

"Here we are!" Mr. Potter said proudly as they passed a light blue car.

"Oh no. No! Mum, you said you weren't going to let him get one!"

"I tried dear, really I did, but he passed the muggle exams and what could I do? Steal it away in the dead of night?"

"Yes, if you valued your life! No Dad, I'm not getting in that thing with you."

"Alright James my boy, but you're going to have to walk home." Sirius snickered, loaded his things in the trunk, and got in the back seat.

"Come on Padfoot! You're not seriously thinking about letting him drive you home are you?"

"Well I don't really fancy a walk James. Oh come off it, grow a pair and get in. We're Marauders! We live off of adventure and danger! You can't even face one little car ride?" Sirius pouted at him. James huffed in frustration before joining him in the back seat.

"Atta boy!" Sirius said as he clapped James on the back. James merely put on his seat belt and clung to the seat for dear life.

"Annddd… we're home!" Mr. Potter called out happily as he pulled up in front of Potter Manor.

James and Sirius had thrown themselves from the car the second it stopped, each boy rolling across the grass on different sides of the car. James lay flat on his back, looking up at the sky, and shaking his head back and forth as if he was in shock.

Sirius was kneeling in the lawn, kissing the ground furiously, and saying, "Oh land! I never thought I would see you again! Oh I'm never going to leave you again!"

James sat up, staring at the car warily as if it would attack him.

His father poked his head out of the car window. "Oh come now, I wasn't that bad, was I?" He turned to his wife, and was surprised to see she was no longer in the car with him. He looked around, only to see her collapsed on the front steps of their house, panting.

"I don't care how much I love you; I am never getting back in that thing!"

Mr. Potter sighed sadly, but he knew when he was beaten. "Oh alright, I'll go put it in the shed."

He turned the key in the ignition, and the other three screamed, at the same time, "NO!"

Mr. Potter jumped, and looked at them in confusion.

James stood up and approached the car gingerly. "Why don't you give me those, Dad." He pointed at the keys, and Mr. Potter handed them over in confusion. "Now get out of the car."

His father did as he was told, still not understanding.

James pointed his wand at the automobile, and lifted it off the ground, making it hover over to the shed, where he promptly shut the door on it and locked it. "Let's hope it stays there forever."

"Here here!" Sirius called out, still with his mouth pressed to the grass.

"That was illegal magic, James. " His mother said, with a fake look of disapproval on her face.

James pouted, and said in a baby voice, "I'm sorry, Mummy, I promise never to do it again."

Mrs. Potter burst out laughing, and said, "Oh come now James, we all know that's not true."

"No, I guess it's not. Now, didn't you say something about food?"

"YES!" Sirius called, jumping to his feet and scrambling over to the house.

"Yes, yes, lunch. Coming right up! You boys never fear."

James hugged his mother tightly. "I am so happy to be home."

She reached up and patted her son's head (because he was now a good 4 inches taller than her) and said, "And it's good to have you home too."

The family plus Sirius went inside, dropping the boys' things in the front hall before entering the extravagant dining room. It was fairly common knowledge that the Potters, being one of the last pure blood families around, were extremely wealthy. And that may not have been a good enough description. The Potters were filthy, stinking rich.

Mrs. Potter went into the kitchen to begin cooking. Oh yes, they had house elves, but the house elves just did the things that Mr. and Mrs. Potter didn't do themselves. The elves weren't servants; they were more like assistants, because they spent a good deal of their time working alongside the Potters. The house elves of the Potter residence were extremely happy, well-fed, and loved by the whole household.

With all the people and creatures working in the kitchen, and because they could do magic, lunch was ready in a short amount of time.

The four of them tucked into their meal, too focused on eating to make conversation at the moment. When they did start talking, it was about Mr. and Mrs. Potter's work in the Auror office. They were currently working on a fairly simple case involving a man who they believed was a Death Eater. Right now the aurors were just watching his house. Mr. Potter didn't think the man was actually a Death Eater, he was probably just a cocky man who liked to have others be afraid of him, so he spread the word that he was working with You-Know-Who.

"It's really not something to joke about. I mean, he could get locked up in Azkaban, and who would ever think twice about it?" Mrs. Potter shook her head sadly.

They were all silent for a moment, before Mr. Potter seemed to shake himself. He clapped his hands, and said in a chipper voice, "So did anything exciting happen over the year? Any fights? Any girlfriends?"

"Ha, James wishes." Sirius laughed.

James kicked him under the table, but the damage was done.

Mrs. Potter turned and looked surprised at her son. "There's a girl that you're interested in?"

"Well…" James blushed, "well yes… but it doesn't really matter…"

"Nonsense, who is she?" Mr. Potter joined in the questioning.

Sirius looked surprised at James. "You never told them about her?"

James glared at him, and said through clenched teeth, "No, it must have slipped my mind."

"How long have you liked this girl?"

Sirius laughed. "Since first year!"

Mrs. Potter reached over and slapped her son on the back of his head.

"Bloody hell! What was that for?"

"You've liked this girl for 6 years? Were you ever planning on telling us?"

"Of course I was… just… not now. I would have told you, preferably when she was my girlfriend."

Sirius snorted. "Like that's ever going to happen!"

James kicked him again. "You never know! I swear one of these days she's going to say yes to me."

"So you've asked her out?" His father asked, interlocking his fingers and resting his chin on them.

"Yea, practically every day since 3rd year!"

"You really need to stop talking Sirius." James said, in a dangerous voice. Sirius was going to wake up with a room full of shaving cream the next morning. That's right, a room full. James was planning on sneaking in in the middle of the night and covering every surface with the white foamy stuff.

"Why has she been saying no?" His mum asked.

"Because she thinks I'm a prat."

"Well you a_re_ a prat."

Mrs. Potter shushed her husband.

"She's not going to be saying yes to you after today, Prongs."

"What did you do to the poor girl, James?" His mother asked, an accusatory expression on her face.

"I didn't do anything! I was just talking to her and then she starts saying all these cryptic things to me!"

"What did you say?"

"Well…" James blushed.

"He told her he loved her, the stupid prat."

"OY!" James yelled, glaring at his supposed 'best friend'. What a traitor.

His mother looked interested. "And do you actually love her?"

"I… I don't know… I think I do… but…"

His father cut in. "What did she say to you after you told her you loved her?"

"Well, she didn't exactly believe me. So she asked if I had ever been in love before, and I said that I had, but she didn't believe that either. So she said, get this, she said, 'There's a difference between lust and love Potter. I suggest you figure it out.'"

Mr. Potter roared with laughter. "Oh goodness, she's a smart one, isn't she?"

"She's brilliant," Sirius said with a mouth full of bread, "way too smart for James. She's so far out his league it's almost comical."

Mrs. Potter grinned right alongside Sirius. "What's her name?"

"Can't you help me with understanding this first?" James asked in desperation, but Sirius answered his mother for him.

"Her name is Lily Evans."

Mr. Potter looked thoughtful. "I don't recognize her surname. Is she half-blood?"

"Muggle-born." Sirius and James said at the same time, as if it meant nothing.

His mother perked her head up. "She's muggle-born?"

James sat up straighter, defiant. "Yes, she is. Do you have a problem with that?"

Mrs. Potter scoffed. "Of course I don't James, you know better than to ask that. My best friend at the office is a muggle-born. She's a brilliant witch, one of the smartest in the whole Ministry. But it won't be easy for you two to have a relationship, especially now with all the muggle-born hate crimes happening. And you're a pureblood, on top of it all."

"I know, but I don't really give a damn. Now can you please help me figure out what she meant? Remus knew, but he flatly refused to tell me. Some friend he is."

"I actually agree with Remus. I think you need to figure this out on your own, son. It'll be important for you." Mr. Potter said, with a serious expression.

"At least point me in the right direction!"

"Well alright." Mr. Potter said, before biting his lip in thought. "You know what lust is, yes?"

"Yea, it's sexual desire."

"How can you be having this conversation with your parents and be keeping a straight face?" Sirius asked in wonder.

"I am so close to punching you Padfoot, it's not even funny."

Sirius held his hands up in surrender as Mr. Potter returned to the conversation. "So you know what lust is. Do you feel lust towards this girl?"

James blushed, and that was answer enough for both of his parents.

"Every boy in the school feels lust for her. She's bloody gorgeous."

James glared at his friend.

Sirius cleared his throat. "You know… not that I do, mate… I'm just saying, other guys do… I'd never do that to you, you know."

"Sirius, if you aren't going to be productive, you might as well not say anything."

"Sorry, Mrs. Potter." He said, hanging his head in defeat.

Mr. Potter again brought the conversation back in the right direction. "So you know what lust is, and you've lusted after this girl. But do you love her?"

"I know what love is. I love you guys, I love Sirius, not that way mate, don't freak out, but I don't know what love is supposed to feel like when you're with a girl."

Mr. Potter looked at his wife, a small smile on his face, before saying to his son, "Love is different from all the other emotions. It's brilliant, and exhilarating, and the most wonderful sensation in the world, but at the same time it's scalding, and horrible. It's painful, and it's difficult, but it is so worth it. Love is never thinking about another woman the way you think about her, it's about seeing her as the most beautiful creature in the world. It's about arguing, and making up, and struggling, and living in harmony. It's about battling the world, and sometimes it will feel like the worst hell, but most of the time, it's the greatest thing in the universe.

"When you love someone, you can spot them in a crowd without even having to look. You can recognize her by just seeing her hand, or by just smelling her perfume. You can't go an hour without thinking about her, you can't go a day without missing her, and being with her is the most natural thing in your life.

"Love is tricky, and love is more complicated than I make it seem. It's different for every man, but love, in essence, is universal. It's… it's life. It's breathing, it's living. It's scary as hell, but we need it, because without love, life just isn't worth living."

James sat watching his father throughout his whole speech. He watched as his father's face grew dreamy and nostalgic, and he watched as his father turned his attention to his wife, grasping her hand and directing his words directly at her. And for the first time in his life, James saw what true love was, and he wanted it. And only a few seconds after he realized that he wanted it, he also realized that he had it. He was in love, truly in love, with Lily Evans. And it scared him to death.

He was in love with her. James fell backwards off his chair.

"Are you alright Prongs?" Sirius asked laughing, leaning over the table to see James sprawled on the floor, glasses askew.

"I'm in love with her." He said, his voice far away, shock written all over his face.

Sirius groaned. "Well get off your arse you prat, and go tell her that!"

"I can't tell her right now! What if she isn't home? What if she won't talk to me?"

Sirius groaned again. "Come out and play Quidditch with me, and then you can go see her tomorrow, alright?"

"Yea… yea that sounds good…" James said dazed, as he stands up and walks out of the house with Sirius trailing behind, shaking his head.

Mrs. Potter got up and walked over to her husband, sitting in his lap and hugging him tightly. "Our son is in love. What is the world coming to?"

"I know how you feel." Mr. Potter sighed deeply. "Do you remember when he told us he would never get married because girls are icky?"

Mrs. Potter laughed quietly. "Or how about when he swore that babies come from Merlin himself, and refused to believe that sex even existed for weeks after?"

Mr. Potter joined in his wife's laughter. He placed his forehead against hers, kissing her softly on the nose. "He's grown up. He's in love with a girl! A muggle-born too, on top of it! He's thinking about sex, and marriage. I'm so proud of him. I think she'll be good for him too. I don't even know the girl, but I feel like she's sensible enough to make James mature. Who knows, maybe he'll become an adult overnight, just for her. All I can say is good luck, Lily Evans."

The day passed uneventfully, with James and Sirius passing the quaffle back and forth between them. Dinner came and went with no more talk about Lily Evans or James' love life. The whole house seemed to sense his unwillingness to continue talking about her. James was thinking, and who was going to bother a teenage boy when he was brooding?

James and Sirius were both tired from the day's events, so they went up to bed soon after dinner was finished. They said goodnight to each other, and went into their own separate rooms.

James tried, he really tried, to sleep, but no matter how often he tossed and turned under his covers, nothing worked. He drank warm milk, he counted owls, and he read, he did push-ups, even, but nothing made him tired. He was too busy thinking about Lily.

At 11:00, when Sirius' snores could be heard around the whole house, he snuck into his friend's room and covered the whole think with shaving cream, just as he planned. Sirius was now nothing more than a moving lump of white icing, the room a huge bowl of pudding. James grinned to himself before softly closing the door as he left.

It was now 11:02, and he didn't know what to do with himself. Then James made up his mind. He was going to see Lily Evans. He was going to make her see reason, if it was the last thing he ever did.

James grabbed his broom and made his way over to his window. He threw it open, and put one leg out onto the roof.

"Hey James, I was wondering if you wanted to…" His father opened his door, and froze when he saw his son halfway through the window. "And where do you think you're going?"

James looked ashamed. "I need to see her, Dad. I can't stay here and think about it anymore, I have to tell her."

His father nodded once. "I was kind of expecting this, to be honest. It's exactly what I did when I realized I was in love with your mother. Of course, we were actually dating, but I still had to leave in the middle of the night to tell her. Merlin, did I give her a fright!"

"Thank you, Dad."

"Yea yea, now go out there and get your girl. But so help me, you better be back before your mother wakes up! I am not giving you permission to go out and corrupt this girl before we even meet her!"

James laughed before he climbed out onto the roof completely and mounted his broom. He kicked off and was suddenly airborne, speeding off into the night.

Yes, James knew where Lily lived. But to be fair, he wasn't being creepy or anything, he just happened to see the letter she was addressing to her family one day. He wasn't going through her mail; he just saw it and remembered, because she was surprisingly close to where he was, not 5 minutes by broom.

So James didn't even have to go looking for the right house, he knew exactly which one to fly up to. She was still awake, sitting up in bed, pajamas on, reading.

James took a few seconds just to look at her, and once again he noticed how beautiful she was, without even trying to be. He didn't think it was that odd of him to be outside her window watching her. Okay, yes, it was a little bit creepy, but he wouldn't have been doing it if she was undressing or changing or anything like that.

He was perched on her roof, and before he knocked on her window, he took a deep breath, steading his nerves. James tapped against the glass lightly with his fingernail.

Lily didn't jump like he expected, but that was probably because she thought he was just an owl, but when she turned up from her book and saw James outsider her window, she nearly jumped out of her skin. She flung herself out of the bed and over to the window, undisguised fury on her face.

She threw open the window, and said in a loud, angry whisper, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, Potter? Why are you at my house, outside my window? How do you even know where I live?"

"It doesn't matter. Can I talk to you, Lily?"

"No, you ruddy well cannot talk to me! I'm not letting you inside of my house! Who knows what you're going to do."

"You really need to start trusting me."

"Trust you?" She laughed cruelly. "How am I supposed to trust you? You're the same boy that hexed my hair green because you said it matched my eyes. You rearranged all the clothing in my trunk to spell out 'will you date me Evans?' You were the one that would make my shoelaces tie themselves together every time I walked by you! You bewitched Flitwick's chalkboard to write out 'Lily Evans is sexy' for a whole week! I still can't look at him without blushing! You have been the cause of more fights in between classes than any Hogwarts student in history! You alone have caused more damage to the school than it's received in the last twenty years combined, and you and your 'Marauders' have had more detentions than the rest of the school all together! Now tell me Potter, if our roles were switched, would you trust me?"

James was taken aback. He didn't realize Lily had been paying so much attention, and now that he was looking back on it, he had been horrible to her. He had tormented her, and he was an arsehole to the whole school. Well, since she already hated him, he might as well be immature for another 3 minutes.

"Please let me in, Evans. I just want to talk. You can take my wand, if you want. But I'm warning you, if you don't let me in I will be forced to sit right here, outside your window, stark naked, making as much noise as possible. Now, I think your parents are nice people, probably, but how would they feel if they saw a teenage boy, completely nude, outside they're youngest daughter's bedroom window? What would they think?"

Lily went pale. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, is that what you really think?" James shrugged and started to pull his tee-shirt over his head.

"Fine! Get in, you prat." Lily stepped aside, and James grinned, stepping inside as he fixed his shirt.

Her room was a pale purple, that was surprisingly relaxing, and it contrasted with her hair brilliantly. Her bed had soft blue sheets on it, and only 2 pillows, but they looked extremely fluffy and comfortable. There weren't many things on her wall, just a few posters of some bands (mostly muggle, but there was one for the Weird Sisters) and some pictures of her friends. James could tell which ones were her muggle friends and which were her wizard friends, because the wizard pictures moved, while the muggle ones were still.

"What does the wizard stuff look like to muggles?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously if your friends come in here and see the pictures on your wall move, they're going to be shocked, to say the least. So what did you do to them?"

She looked shocked that he even noticed something like that, and said slowly, as if it might be a trap, "Concealment charm. If they look at the pictures, all they see is newspaper clippings about different bands."

James nodded, and turned his attention back to the room. There was a desk facing another window, and it was cluttered with letters and school books. She had a dresser in one corner. The top drawer was open and James could see a red sweater hanging out of it. Her floor was mostly wood, but there was a pale blue carpet (the same colour as the bed) under her bed, with a smaller one under the dresser and another under the desk.

He turned towards her, opening his mouth to say something, but his throat went dry as he saw what she was wearing. It was small shorts, too small to really be called shorts, and a long, baggy tee-shirt. He could tell right away that she wasn't wearing a bra, and all of a sudden horribly vivid images of what he and Lily Evans could do, right here in her bedroom, filled his mind. She was barely dressed, and they were in her bedroom. The bed was right behind her, all he had to do was move her 3 steps backwards and they'd fall on top of it…

"Sorry to interrupt, but did you actually want something, Potter?"

"Right!" he said, slapping his head as he remembered why he was here in the first place. "Right, I came here because I understand what you said on the train today. I know what you were trying to say when you said 'the difference between lust and love', but you're wrong about something Lily, I do know the difference.

"I know what lust is. Lust is carnal and sexual desire. Lust is all about the sex. It's about caring about someone because they're hot, or because they're sexy, but not about them as a person. Lust is teenage life, basically. I know what lust is, because I feel lust for you."

She laughed mirthlessly. "I knew you were the same as the rest."

"Please Lily, let me finish. But I also know what love is, because I feel love for you, too." That shut her up. "I know that I'm in love with you, Lily. I know what love is. I know that it hurts, and I know that it's painful, and I know that it's wonderful and magical. I know that it's simply a part of you, and you can't ever stop being in love. I know that love is caring about the other person unconditionally, and thinking about them constantly, and wanting to be with them always. I know that it hurts when I'm away from you, and it hurts when you push me away. I know that you're gorgeous, and beautiful, and sexy, and brilliant, and thousands of other adjectives that I could list for you, and I think I will someday, but not today.

"And I know that I won't ever stop being in love with you, because now that I realize it, I can't imagine it with anyone else. This afternoon when I told you on the train that I loved you, I honestly thought that I did. But I was an idiot then, you're right." He grasped her hands, making her tilt her head upwards slightly to see him. He was only three or four inches taller than her, but it was still enough for her to look upwards. "But right now Lily, I am in love with you, and I know it. You can see it in my eyes. I love you, Lily Evans, and I won't ever stop loving you."

She was speechless for a few seconds, and James, sensing that this might be his only chance, ever, ducked his head down and captured her mouth with his. Lily fought a little at first, but James had firm hold of her lower back, his arms wrapped around her waist, and after a few seconds Lily didn't struggle, but melted into him.

Their lips moved softly together, separating and connecting again, tongues tentatively entering the picture, making both lose breath and all sense of being able to think.

When they finally did pull away, it was only because both of them needed to breathe. James would have gladly gone on kissing Lily for the rest of the night, but unfortunately his lungs couldn't survive without the air.

He hugged her tightly to him, and she hugged him back. "I've always sort of liked you, you know. You're too damn gorgeous for such a prat, and no matter how many bad things you did, there was always that one good thing that you would do or say, and it seemed to validate the fact that I liked you. I'm not in love with you James. I need you to know that. I like you, and I could someday be in love with you, but not yet."

He nodded against the top of her head. "That's fair, completely fair. I'm just thankful you're not calling me Potter anymore."

She smiled into him. "You're still a prat."

"Yes, yes I am. So does this mean you'll date me?"

She sighed falsely, and dramatically, before saying, "I guess I have to. I'm your only chance of not being a git for the rest of your life."

He clung to her tighter, picked her up, and spun her around. "Oh Lily Evans, you wonderful, wonderful woman."

She laughed as he put her down. She looked up into his face seriously. "I am, and don't you forget it James Potter."

He kissed her forehead, and closed his eyes as he leaned his head against hers again. "Never, not for the rest of my life."

And he meant it, because yes, Lily Evans was annoying at times, but she was incredible all the time. She was funny, and sexy, and smart, and she took all his crap, and he'd be an idiot to give that up. Yes, she was lust-worthy, but James felt sorry for all the other men in the world that didn't love Lily Evans. Because the difference between lust and love made all the difference in the world.


End file.
